Hannan is eleven...

I had this funny feeling in my tummy when Hannan had her tenth birthday last year. A feeling very similar to when one is "kecut perut" or "gayat". I had told her that starting that day, her age will be a two digit number and with that came the "kecut perut" realisation... that my first baby is not a baby anymore.

Last Wednesday the 11th Feb, Hannan is eleven years old, officially a tween. The term now for children who is more than ten years old but not yet a full fledged teenager. I think that comes when she turns 14.

She is growing up alright. Not only in years but in height as well. We were in Miri last Dec to renew her passport and had to fill in her height for the renewel form. She notched 148cm, just 12cm to go before she catches up on both of us, her Ibu and Babah. We haven't measured her lately but I'm sure she must have gained a few more cm since then. Soon, she'll come to her own as a person of thoughts and opinions.

To think she was just seven and way below my ketiak when we first came here. Nowadays... whenever I hug her, I always rest my chin on her head because it won't be very long when I couldn't do that anymore. She'll be the one resting her chin on my head!

A few days ago, I took Amiin to KB for some shopping. As any boy that age... it's either berdukung all the way or refused to have his hands held and adamant about walking on his own.

So there we were, slowly walking along, with me a pace ahead, when Amiin called out to me. I turned around and he was pointing out to something in a shop window.

One look and I was hit by this overwhelming deja vu. It was nine years ago... in the streets of Melbourne, Hannan and I struck the exact, same pose.

I was staggered by the waves of emotions flooding me within that few seconds of recall. It seems like a lifetime had gone by between Melbourne and Brunei. So much had happened, so many things had changed.

But then again... things will continue to change and happen. All my babies are growing up. In nine years... my youngestborn will be my firstborn's age today. I am now making memories with my children and storing them for dear life.

Of course, all these culminate to the fact that I am getting older too. Not a blooming beauty older, but fighting my declining to work microcells older. While Hannan rejoice... I am apprehensive.

I can't believe how much grey hair I have now. After inaiying... it became rather reddish. Truthfully, I hate that colour more so than grey. Thankfully we have halal hair dyes these days and I go for black.

I need to have a facial trim every 2 weeks as my facial hair is sprouting like rumput on baja. If left alone, my moustache could rival my husband's - no kidding!

Then of course there are the crowsfeet around my eyes, distinct semi-circle lines around my mouth and a very deep frown line between my eyebrows. I am now using rejuvenating + anti-aging creams instead of whitening ones. But with what success would I achieve... if after all these years my face is not really whitened, you tell me?

Most telling of all, I have friends calling me "Kakak" ha ha ha...

All are signs of growing older even though I'm still in my thirties! Ah... so be it. A fact is a fact is a fact. Can't get around it, just have to embrace it and make the best out of it.

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to Allah that I am alive and relatively healthy. I am thankful to Allah for making me who and putting me where I am today. Been through some really trying times but I hope Allah will look kindly on this family and give us the best chance to have great lives. Amiiiin....

Until later...

Edit : Kat baju ada bunga sebab ruang antara butang tertarik! Bunga tu kira censor la...